Meet the Chaos —Characters Who Keep Me Up at Night

The voices that built a world… and broke mine open.

Some authors say their characters whisper to them.
Mine? They kick down the door, demand a drink, and drag me into their stories—full of blood, magic, and grief. Sometimes they hand me pieces of myself I didn’t know I’d lost.

Often I am asked, “Who came first?” and honestly it was Seraphina, Kade and Vaelrik. In that order. Everyone else came after, but those three barged in and never left. But let’s start with the girl who started it all.

Seraphina (Nyx):
People often ask if Seraphina is based on me.
She’s not.
Rather, She is who I wish I had been— in the thick of my own chaos, when survival didn’t feel poetic. Writing her was a kind of therapy. When you’re out of the storm, you see clearly. You see who you were, who you needed, and who you could’ve been if fear hadn’t clung tightly.

Sera is heartbreak wrapped in armour, She breaks over the little things; like soft words or to much tension, not always the world-ending war.
And I like that about her. No one is perfectly brave all the time.
Watching her fall in love again, after unhealthy relationships, felt like redemption. And yes— of course she falls for the brooding one. Who else would she trust with her ruin?
Favourite scene: When she lets herself laugh again— really laugh.
Favourite Quote: “Evander says you’d burn the world down for me… I don’t want a world burned to ash, I want to understand the man who walks beside me everyday.”

Originally Seraphina was going to be named Nyx, but I changed that to a nick name and a hero in the story. Nyx came from my love of Greek mythology. A warrior inside the dark, wielding light like a broken promise.
She still burns— and so do I.

Kade:
Ah, Kade.
My soft-spoken disaster. My teenage dream.
Silver-haired, self sacrificing, stoic with a tragic past…basically, if Will herondale and Jem Carstairs had a morally grey child, it would be Kade.

He doesn’t say much. But when he does? It wrecks you.
Writing him was pure indulgence— brooding Sarcastic, emotionally constipated but deeply kind. He believes he’s broken beyond redemption. That love is something he is not worthy of. But his heart speaks in small moments — and that’s why he stays with readers.
Favourite line: “Damn me, because I would tear this world apart for you, and it still wouldn’t be enough. And I will spend everyday of my life trying to make it right.”
Favourite moment: Kade being sassy — especially his scene in the dungeon when he mentions leaving a will.

Kade is a fan favourite and possibly the best message I got from a reader was when they had reached a spot in the book and I got a angry-crying message, demanding Seraphina had to apologise to Kade — like I could rewrite the book in their hands at that moment. (I’m still not forgiven. I checked.)

Kade was never supposed to matter this much. But here he is — always in my thoughts and I swear I can picture him standing by my desk, arms crossed, waiting for me to finish his arc.

Alexis:
He started as a villain. A placeholder. A name to hate.
And then I started writing him.
What poured out wasn’t just fiction. It was memory.
Alexis became the voice of my trauma — not identical, but echoing patterns I knew all to well.

I was terrified to write him honestly. But my beta reader (who happens to be my ever loving husband) reminded me that words are power, That villains don’t need to haunt us — they can serve us.
So Alexis became my way of reclaiming my voice, of creating a villain worthy of my pain— one who earned the story, rather than stealing it from me.

Favourite Line: “Hello wife.”
Favourite scene: The one where everyone believes he is the good guy and well. He tries and fails at love.
I made him a mirror for the echoes of my trauma.
Then I shattered it.

Kai:

Kai showed up late in the planning process but when he did appear he was chaotic, sharp—tongued, bright-eyed.

He reminded me of someone. A best friend I had growing up. A friend I kept finding again in new places, new schools… until we couldn’t anymore. Dylan passed away in a car accident when we were seventeen. Life kept moving, but the ache stayed.

Kai is a living ode to that friendship. His humour, his heart, his chaos.
The way he stirred trouble, the way he protected fiercely, the way he made everyone feel like they mattered. A piece of Dylan, still laughing. When Kai came into the story, his friendship with Seraphina echoes the same sibling/best friend relationship I had with Dylan.

Now I know what your thinking, why do I have a character based off Dylan but called Kai? But wait also have a character called Dylan in the book who in the story is Kai’s father?
Well that is because Kai’s grown-up voice? Is shaped by my brother-in-law. Specifically, during one night of fun out at a concert, drinks, joy and chaos. It clicked in my head and Kai wrote himself from there.
Now to answer the second question it was sort of poetic. In the story Dylan is Kai’s father, protector of Seraphina and looks out for her. The poetic part? It was the symbolism to design Kai, Because the character is based off the Dylan I remember and my brother-in-law, Kyle; It was a combination of the two. So we have Kai and Dylan became Kai’s father because in the real world Dylan came before Kyle hence the father and Kai because of Kyle.

Favourite Line: "So, do you always break furniture, or was that just a special occasion?”
Favourite Scene: When he torments Kade about his past with Seraphina and slams the door in his face.

Aurion:
Aurion is the father figure I didn’t know I was writing until I read him back.
Dry sarcasm. Quite wisdom. That frustrating ability to embarrass everyone in a five-metre radius.
He’s part my Dad, Part my Grandpa. All the men who raised me, with love and perfectly timed embarrassing moments.

His bond with Seraphina echoes the love I felt growing up. The steady hand behind the storm.
Writing Aurion was so easy. He was Sassy, perfectly timed wisdom and moments where he would torment Vaelrik.
Favourite quote: “Yes, yes, we’ve heard it all before. Let me know when it’s this day.”
Favourite moment: Every time he calls Vaelrik out — with the driest humour imaginable.

Vaelrik:
Vaelrik is complicated. He is the one everyone hates (except me.)

My readers call him “Mr. Ego.” Some hate him more than Alexis (which feels personal, honestly.)
but I love him.
He’s charming, dangerous, self-assured to the point of absurdity. And underneath? So deeply human it hurts.

Favourite line: “Hello… Little Flame.”
Favourite moment: When he saves his softest and most tender moments for Seraphina and he is the most misunderstood.

He’s a Frankenstein’s monster of voices I’ve known— but he’s mine now. And I refuse to let him go.

How I write them When I get stuck?

When I get stuck — plot-wise, emotionally, whatever — I throw the characters into a scene that doesn’t matter.

Just them. Talking. Bickering. Eating dinner. Arguing over soup.
It always unlocks something.

It’s my way of letting them breathe — and letting me understand them without pressure.

Sometimes they yell at me.
Sometimes they cry.
Sometimes I do.

I cut dozens of lines I loved from the final book. They live in my notes app now, whispering. Waiting.

Final Thoughts

These characters didn’t just become part of my world.
They are my world — stitched with memories, shaped by grief, joy, love, trauma, healing.

They’re how I survived the hard seasons.

And maybe… they’re how you will too.

Would you follow any of them into the fire?
Let me know who haunts your mind.