Meet the Chaos —Characters Who Keep Me Up at Night

The voices that built a world… and broke mine open.

Some authors say their characters whisper to them.
Mine? They kick down the door, demand a drink, and drag me into their stories—full of blood, magic, and grief. Sometimes they hand me pieces of myself I didn’t know I’d lost.

Often I am asked, “Who came first?” and honestly it was Seraphina, Kade and Vaelrik. In that order. Everyone else came after, but those three barged in and never left. But let’s start with the girl who started it all.

Seraphina (Nyx):
People often ask if Seraphina is based on me.
She’s not.
Rather, She is who I wish I had been— in the thick of my own chaos, when survival didn’t feel poetic. Writing her was a kind of therapy. When you’re out of the storm, you see clearly. You see who you were, who you needed, and who you could’ve been if fear hadn’t clung tightly.

Sera is heartbreak wrapped in armour, She breaks over the little things; like soft words or to much tension, not always the world-ending war.
And I like that about her. No one is perfectly brave all the time.
Watching her fall in love again, after unhealthy relationships, felt like redemption. And yes— of course she falls for the brooding one. Who else would she trust with her ruin?
Favourite scene: When she lets herself laugh again— really laugh.
Favourite Quote: “Evander says you’d burn the world down for me… I don’t want a world burned to ash, I want to understand the man who walks beside me everyday.”

Originally Seraphina was going to be named Nyx, but I changed that to a nick name and a hero in the story. Nyx came from my love of Greek mythology. A warrior inside the dark, wielding light like a broken promise.
She still burns— and so do I.

Kade:
Ah, Kade.
My soft-spoken disaster. My teenage dream.
Silver-haired, self sacrificing, stoic with a tragic past…basically, if Will herondale and Jem Carstairs had a morally grey child, it would be Kade.

He doesn’t say much. But when he does? It wrecks you.
Writing him was pure indulgence— brooding Sarcastic, emotionally constipated but deeply kind. He believes he’s broken beyond redemption. That love is something he is not worthy of. But his heart speaks in small moments — and that’s why he stays with readers.
Favourite line: “Damn me, because I would tear this world apart for you, and it still wouldn’t be enough. And I will spend everyday of my life trying to make it right.”
Favourite moment: Kade being sassy — especially his scene in the dungeon when he mentions leaving a will.

Kade is a fan favourite and possibly the best message I got from a reader was when they had reached a spot in the book and I got a angry-crying message, demanding Seraphina had to apologise to Kade — like I could rewrite the book in their hands at that moment. (I’m still not forgiven. I checked.)

Kade was never supposed to matter this much. But here he is — always in my thoughts and I swear I can picture him standing by my desk, arms crossed, waiting for me to finish his arc.

Alexis:
He started as a villain. A placeholder. A name to hate.
And then I started writing him.
What poured out wasn’t just fiction. It was memory.
Alexis became the voice of my trauma — not identical, but echoing patterns I knew all to well.

I was terrified to write him honestly. But my beta reader (who happens to be my ever loving husband) reminded me that words are power, That villains don’t need to haunt us — they can serve us.
So Alexis became my way of reclaiming my voice, of creating a villain worthy of my pain— one who earned the story, rather than stealing it from me.

Favourite Line: “Hello wife.”
Favourite scene: The one where everyone believes he is the good guy and well. He tries and fails at love.
I made him a mirror for the echoes of my trauma.
Then I shattered it.

Kai:

Kai showed up late in the planning process but when he did appear he was chaotic, sharp—tongued, bright-eyed.

He reminded me of someone. A best friend I had growing up. A friend I kept finding again in new places, new schools… until we couldn’t anymore. Dylan passed away in a car accident when we were seventeen. Life kept moving, but the ache stayed.

Kai is a living ode to that friendship. His humour, his heart, his chaos.
The way he stirred trouble, the way he protected fiercely, the way he made everyone feel like they mattered. A piece of Dylan, still laughing. When Kai came into the story, his friendship with Seraphina echoes the same sibling/best friend relationship I had with Dylan.

Now I know what your thinking, why do I have a character based off Dylan but called Kai? But wait also have a character called Dylan in the book who in the story is Kai’s father?
Well that is because Kai’s grown-up voice? Is shaped by my brother-in-law. Specifically, during one night of fun out at a concert, drinks, joy and chaos. It clicked in my head and Kai wrote himself from there.
Now to answer the second question it was sort of poetic. In the story Dylan is Kai’s father, protector of Seraphina and looks out for her. The poetic part? It was the symbolism to design Kai, Because the character is based off the Dylan I remember and my brother-in-law, Kyle; It was a combination of the two. So we have Kai and Dylan became Kai’s father because in the real world Dylan came before Kyle hence the father and Kai because of Kyle.

Favourite Line: "So, do you always break furniture, or was that just a special occasion?”
Favourite Scene: When he torments Kade about his past with Seraphina and slams the door in his face.

Aurion:
Aurion is the father figure I didn’t know I was writing until I read him back.
Dry sarcasm. Quite wisdom. That frustrating ability to embarrass everyone in a five-metre radius.
He’s part my Dad, Part my Grandpa. All the men who raised me, with love and perfectly timed embarrassing moments.

His bond with Seraphina echoes the love I felt growing up. The steady hand behind the storm.
Writing Aurion was so easy. He was Sassy, perfectly timed wisdom and moments where he would torment Vaelrik.
Favourite quote: “Yes, yes, we’ve heard it all before. Let me know when it’s this day.”
Favourite moment: Every time he calls Vaelrik out — with the driest humour imaginable.

Vaelrik:
Vaelrik is complicated. He is the one everyone hates (except me.)

My readers call him “Mr. Ego.” Some hate him more than Alexis (which feels personal, honestly.)
but I love him.
He’s charming, dangerous, self-assured to the point of absurdity. And underneath? So deeply human it hurts.

Favourite line: “Hello… Little Flame.”
Favourite moment: When he saves his softest and most tender moments for Seraphina and he is the most misunderstood.

He’s a Frankenstein’s monster of voices I’ve known— but he’s mine now. And I refuse to let him go.

How I write them When I get stuck?

When I get stuck — plot-wise, emotionally, whatever — I throw the characters into a scene that doesn’t matter.

Just them. Talking. Bickering. Eating dinner. Arguing over soup.
It always unlocks something.

It’s my way of letting them breathe — and letting me understand them without pressure.

Sometimes they yell at me.
Sometimes they cry.
Sometimes I do.

I cut dozens of lines I loved from the final book. They live in my notes app now, whispering. Waiting.

Final Thoughts

These characters didn’t just become part of my world.
They are my world — stitched with memories, shaped by grief, joy, love, trauma, healing.

They’re how I survived the hard seasons.

And maybe… they’re how you will too.

Would you follow any of them into the fire?
Let me know who haunts your mind.

From Pages to People: The Beautiful Chaos of Becoming an Author

If you told past me that one day I’d be standing in front of real-life humans, talking about a book I wrote, I would’ve laughed so hard I'd choke on my iced coffee. Because let’s be honest: writing the book? Weirdly easier than trying to explain it without sounding like I escaped a fantasy cult.

Since diving into self-publishing, I’ve tripped, sprinted, and occasionally crawled through a world I never imagined — full of passionate readers, wildly creative minds, and small businesses who somehow decided, “Yes, her chaotic energy feels right for us.”

What no one warns you about is the sheer mental breakdown potential of formatting. Or how marketing suddenly turns you into a TikTok director, meme strategist, and SEO wizard — all while pretending you have any idea what ROI means. I don’t. Still don’t.

But here’s the thing: this mess? It’s also magic. Because I’ve found my people. Other authors who have cried over Canva layouts, emotionally bonded with fictional characters, and cheered each other on through existential meltdowns. It’s like a support group, but with more glitter and less sleep.

One of the most unexpectedly wholesome chapters? Indie businesses taking a chance on me. When Squirrel & Sparrow (yes, the actual dreamiest bookshop name ever) said they wanted to stock my book, I nearly combusted. Like — fully had to sit down, breathe into a tote bag, and resist the urge to scream into the void. Their belief in my story made me believe a little more in myself, too.

Then there’s The Scented Pages, who somehow looked at my dramatic characters and said, “Let’s turn their chaos into candles.” And friends, she did. Together, we created scents that literally smell like fire, heartbreak, and trauma bonding. And in the middle of mixing notes of sandalwood and storm clouds, we built a beautiful friendship — one wick at a time.

And just when I thought it couldn’t get more surreal, I found myself at my first-ever author retreat. Yes, I panicked. Yes, I blacked out during the “So what’s your book about?” question. But I also got to sit in a room full of dreamers, give advice, and pretend I had my life together — which is basically half of being an author, right? And someone actually asked for my plot feedback. Me! The girl who once named a sword “Steve” because she was tired.

Next up? My first market stalls. Picture me: surrounded by books, candles, and way too much glitter, probably stress-sweating and pretending I know how to run an EFTPOS machine. I’m nervous. I’m excited. I’m praying I don’t knock over my own display five minutes in. But mostly, I can’t wait to meet more readers, chat stories, and gently force my chaotic babies into people’s hands like a proud gremlin mother.

This whole journey? It's messy. It’s exhausting. And it’s filled with moments I never thought I’d live — from crying over my first reader review to doing a happy dance when someone said they’d re-read my book “just to feel pain again.” Iconic.

The pages brought me here. But it’s the people — the ones who read, share, support, and scream with me in the DMs — who keep me writing.

Welcome to the chaos - A note from Courtney

Hey book lovers, chaos gremlins, and the friends and family strong armed into this.
If you have stumbled onto this page, then it is probably for one or two reasons:
one you were lured in by the promise of fictional heart break and morally questionable characters
or
You were curious to see the inner workings of my mind (Spoiler alert: it’s tabs within tabs, notes upon notes and about five unfinished drinks I forgot existed).
But in all honesty — Welcome.

This blog is a corner of my world where I finally get to slow down and share this journey between the pages. The messy bits. The late-night breakthroughs (why is it always at 3am?). The moments of absolute doubt and the ones filled with quite, joyful fire.

Why this blog?
Because for a long time, I didn’t know if I’d ever get here — to the part where stories I once kept hidden in notebooks and random word documents across multiple devices are now real. This blog is where I’ll share the behind-the scenes of what I’m working on — from sneak peaks of upcoming books, to merch launches, candle drops from our favourite collaboration with Scented Pages and chaotic life updates that never make it to my polished posts on social media.

As much as this is for me it is also for you, whether you’re a reader who just wants to live in a fantasy world a little longer, or a fellow writer trying to navigate your own storm of doubt, deadlines and too many characters talking at once in your head.
You’ll find:

* Updates from my current works in progress
* The stories behind the stories
* Advice for writers who are figuring it out as they go — like I still am but maybe you want make the same mistakes as me
* Musings on creativity, burnout and why this whole chaotic journey is still worth it
* And occasionally, wild 2am rambles that turn into plot ideas or emotional venting

Because in this little corner of the internet, we embrace the chaos — and we make it burn beautifully.

Whether you’ve followed me from the start or have just arrived with in the pages of a book that has been recommended, I’m so grateful you’re here. Truly. None of this happens without the beautiful, slightly unhinged community that surrounds indie authors like me.

So light your favourite candle, open a tab for your TBR list, and settle in. Let’s make some magic.

— Courtney x